So we arrived back home on Tuesday, and there is a certain uneasiness stirring within my heart. Question after question is pummeling my mind:
What is God trying to teach me?
Why does God compel me to go to Haiti?
Why does God call me to lead?
Are we helping Haiti?
Are we hurting Haiti?
What does change look like in Haiti?
Do Christians really care about Haiti?
Does my local church really care about Haiti?
Do I really care about Haiti?
Is there any hope for Haiti?
What does it mean to be the hands and feet of Jesus?
Am I doing this for God's glory or to pacify my own guilty conscience?
Many of these questions may come as a surprise. They are difficult questions. They're on my heart. They're real. But if we don't force ourselves to answer the tough questions we can and likely will become numb to the things we see in Haiti.
What I know is this - despite my questions, God calls me to go anyway. He calls me to serve Him. He gives me a heart to love. He breaks my heart for the things that break His. He speaks to me through beauty and darkness. He answers prayers and works miracles. He teaches me. He loves me.
So I will continue to go. I will continue to serve God who knew me before I was even born. I will continue to share the love of Jesus in Haiti. I will continue to be the hands and feet of Jesus (whatever that means!) until He tells me to stop.
So looking back, God has given me at least a few answers to the questions above:
1. I love God and my desire is to serve God for His glory alone.
2. I deeply care for and love the people of Haiti.
3. My desire is to serve the people of Haiti for God's glory.
Yes - I am thankful for the uneasiness in my heart. God is at work and I pray that I listen well.
I can totally relate to this post. Leaving Haiti left me with a mix of emotions. Relief that we were able to get a flight out, yet uneasiness that I couldn't have fixed all the problems put before me. There is more work to be done yet the answers haven't arrived yet to provide a solution.
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